in my unbidden attempt at being in connection with a creator of my understanding, i wish to discuss Praise.

i like to hear nice words being said about me.  i like the sound of my name on my lovers lips and when i hear the words from T&T/co. that sounds like quote, ” You Rule,” there is a smile both warm and sincere that takes comfortable residence upon my face; above my chin and below the devilish twinkle in my eyes.

i am pretty sure that we, some of us at least, share in these tendencies.  The same must be then true for God.

***

You are pretty amazing.  Breathing and making your way from sun up to sun down with mostly no instructions and quite a few choices.  You are doing a bang up job there with your most important relationships and I am proud to be a witness.

To the vulnerable men out there, I applaud you.  As do many of my sisters.  Sisters, you are multi-faceted with room to expand.  I exalt thee; as do many of our men.  As Adele (the other one) says, “we are close enough to start a war. ”  Let’s skip it though, Being more alike than in dislike.

Instead I bow down to you all for walking step by step nearer to each other and to I.  We are Beautiful Together.  Bravery, Power, Insight.  There are so many words to describe you.

Your commitment to evolution and transformation is wondrous and I giggle while jumping up and down with delight at your audacity and spunk.  At the same time you are perfect just as you are.  Where are you going?  Is right here not good enough? Can I come too?  Let’s Play!

In praise of You, Us, We.  Sending Praises to the birds and the trees and the sunrise each morning both fresh and sturdy; dependable.  In Praise of those that supply our food on and off the farm, at our tables and in our carts.  In praise of those that continue to seek out the likeness in their neighbors, in nature, in it all.

In Praise of my Sisters much older than I.  Who came before.  Who fought and won.  Who live out loud, coach our broken and joyous hearts, cheer on our escapades, cry with & laugh at. My sweet sweet sisters who pull us out of the dark and illuminate what is most profound and healing within us…. I bow to you.

In praise of my Sisters who jump and scream and run for hours.  Those that propel and express (sometimes after cocktails) secrets deeply moving, scary and real.  Those that twist their brains, run and kick, sweat, and swim in pools fully clothed.  You, my young maidens delectable and plentiful.  You precious lass you.  I love you.

In Praise of the Men who hug and toil, touch, and prove steady.  You that run hot & on fire all systems go.  You with treasure.  You with talent.  Praises to the creatives and the executives, the labors, and dreamers.  Men, you each are stunning.  I am proud to stand with you.  Want to wrestle?…

To my Sages both past and present.  Namaste.  Aloha.  Blessing & Peace to you and yours.  Praises for Christ & the lesson of Agape.  Praises to Buddha for the gift of Insight.  Praises to The High Priestess and Magician.

Praises to each and to that which is greater.  My Beloved.  My Teacher. God and Goddess Divine.  Zoe our spark…praises to you with all my heart.  Rising within. Pulse and Prana.  Consciousness and Bliss.  Welcome my Beloved.  Our Breath is One.  Holy Spirit I most welcome your Rapture.  To thee, Radiant Self.

I Praise you Divine Master.  Brother Sister Friend and Lover.  I Praise You.  I Love You.  I Bow.  I Submit to We.

It’s officially the holiday season and I can’t help but be a little disgusted at the cycle of acquiring more things.  Will a new gadget or wardrobe really make all the difference this year?  I cannot even believe that after the last two or three very uncomfortable years, financially, there is still a great segment of my fellow Americans who seem to be itching to dive right back into the perpetual stream of commercialization of the precious winter holidays celebrated by persons of all faiths (and some of no faith at all.)

In trying to make room in my heart for those that drive me more than a little crazy and use these irritations as a good ole learning experience, I have come up with my own list of what it is that I most desire this holiday season.  If you can’t beat em, join em…right?

I need more Time.  Time to cook good food and to share it with people who are important to me.  Time to read a few books that have nothing to do with history and offer an opportunity for my imagination to run amuck and even surprise me. Time to reflect and paint and listen to my breath even though the silence is filled with the maddening screams of the demons I have yet to fully face.  Time to ride my bike for any reason other than shedding those extra pounds I have accumulated this year.  Time for a personal practice at studios that I am not in charge of with teachers of talent and humility.  Time to feel sorry for myself and Time to dance in a room full of strangers without a shred of self-consciousness.  Time to have a more meaningful conversation with a few very important people to me and suss out some of the confusions of my life.

Touch.  A hug, a kiss, a massage.  Hands of others connected by arms and a loving intention to surround me and remind my fearful inner child that all is well with the world and that I am safe & loved.  I need to be TOUCHED in a way that is full of intimacy and that gives us the opportunity to grow so very much closer.

I want Space.  Wide open skies with tall trees that dance in the wind and share their deepest secrets with my soul.  Miles of ocean that crashes onto the shore in a symphony of colors and textures waist high & warm.  Mountains that peak beyond the clouds and the whispers of stardust from eons past.

Silence.  I would love to slay the million worries that bubble up daily distracting me from the moment at hand.  Silence the crying, the bombs, the pleas of those persecuted, the traffic, and the critics.  Silence the political bickering, the divisions, the excuses, and the voices of the past. It is time for a Silence that is comfortable between us.

Some Clarity. A little spiritual Clarity would be great place to start.  After that I would please like a few helpings of Clarity in all my relationships.  Ambiguity is senseless and I am not a mind reader.  For me & my part…  I love you.  I appreciate you.  I need you.  You are precious to me and there is nobody else like you in my life.  I am looking forward to our future (which is not at all guaranteed nor the most interesting or important part) and I am very very focused on being closer here and now.  We are sharing space my friends and I am all in!  To the best of my abilities I will work at being open with you & my hope is that my needs don’t ever sound like nagging.  In exchange I will take your answers & actions to heart and if we are not talking then in my mind I’m likely to hear that we have outgrown each other. Clarity means speaking the same language.

I crave Understanding.  I am not always at my best and sometimes I don’t shower for days.  I can be needy and selfish.  I require a place in your heart that is reserved only for me and in return you can expect the same.  Please Understand that I too am a work in progress and that I am fragile and have just as much to loose as you do.  When it gets dark and I am scared I need a little Understanding.

I desire Grace.  God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  I call forth Grace to lead me through the uncomfortable periods of uncertainty with patience and emotional sobriety.

LOVE.  more love.  Brotherly Love.  Love of a Parent.  Love from friends and Love from a communicating and thoughtful Lover.  The Love that comes from quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts & physical touch.  Love that is unconditional and Love that is unexpected.  Love of neighbor and Love of Self.  Love that is patient and kind and rewarding and that grows and flowers with the seasons of life.  What else is there than LOVE?

Box it, bottle it, wrap it and mail it.  Better yet, swing on by and let’s exchange our gifts in person on the mat.  Let us breath and move to the pulse of mother earth and let us empower, embrace, and ignite our hearts.  These are the holiday gifts that mean the most and that will truly allow us to SHINE!!

What’s on your list?

There is nothing quite like seeing the family.  In fact, it has been about ten years since all my cousins and aunts and uncles were all in the same room together and with a little planning and a stroke of luck that was exactly what happened this past weekend as I flew into Houston with my partner Cory for a fun filled adventure called, “My Cousin Scott’s Wedding.”

There was laughter, shopping for cowboy boots, happy tears, hugs all around,way too much food and only a few uncomfortable moments (garment related)  Mostly it was just a wonderful opportunity to sit in a room full of the most important & precious people in my life.  An utter blessing.

Coming back to the sweet sound of the waves here in sunny Florida was only interrupted by two days in bed fighting off a fever and some flu like symptoms.  What a drag.  Aside from soup deliveries from the best boyfriend on the planet and hours of Dexter on my laptop I spent the last two days blowing my nose and drinking as much herbal tea as I could stand.  It turns out that I don’t really have the temperament nor inclination to be sick.  It did provide some time to thing though.

I had a grounding conversation with one of my mentors and friends about the pace I keep with work and life and how I might create more space.  Was it possible that I fell into this illness as a result of the unending hours of my multi faceted life?  I’ve actually done a great deal to address that over this past month relieving myself of seven commitments and offering them up to other well qualified and capable instructors.  I was patting myself on the back actually when I was thrown flat on said back with illness and the need to schedule some emergency covers for classes.  I asked the Universe for a lesson in patience recently and boy did she deliver!

Two other lessons emerged.

One, I am fortunate to be surrounded by an amazing group of healing professionals and teachers who I trust and admire and can count on in times of need.

When I moved to this sleepy little seasonal resort town two years ago it was for a short party as I was passing through.  Having now laid down some roots I feel humbled and most grateful for all of the relationships I find myself in.  I have never before seen a community pull together and show such genuine enjoyment in the successes of others.  For all of you cheerleaders out there, Thank You!  There are always too those who want to throw a wrench in the things they can’t control of course, but the light prevails (love wins) and in the end we are stronger through the challenges we face, both on and off the mat.  So to the haters out there, Thank You More!!

Second, just because I am a yogi and teacher does not preclude me from illness and over scheduling issues.  Turns out even a yoga teacher needs time to rest and reflect.  Especially one that owns her own business.  I knew that of course, but I will admit that I was a bit zealous in my pursuit of how far out I could push the boundaries while tempting the Gods Of Balance…Isn’t it great to know that we are all in fact human?!

I guess that is the wonderful thing about unexpected detours, sickness included.  We have the opportunity to lean into others and show our vulnerability and build trust.  We have the opportunity to ask for help and allow those we usually serve the chance to pay back some of that good karma and in doing so we allow them to experience the sensation of pleasure that comes from helping out.  That’s why I teach anyway…it gives me great pleasure to serve.  We all like to know we are useful.

So, I”ll pick up a new book and and I will curl up on the couch for a hour or so before I drift off to sleep, again, and prepare my temple for the classes of tomorrow.   I will resist the urge to answer any more emails or play just one more round on Words With Friends.

Thank you to those that Love, and to those that don’t.  Thank you to those who are my family by blood and to those who are family by choice.  Thank you to my students, teachers, and friends.  Thank you Universe for the reminder that Gratitude is an Amazing Healing Tonic.

-Blessed Be & Namaste

There is something to be said for the rant.  With that in mind, I shall digress a bit:

Most of the women I speak with are frustrated.  They are powerful, hold amazing jobs, have gobs of responsibilities, they make time for charity and fashion is not lost on them. Yet with all their sparkle and charm they are frustrated with chores, and dating, with marriage, and their jobs, paying the bills, and the government, and that really awesome yogi, god bless her soul, that can do every posture with ease and doesn’t seem to think it has anything to do with the fact that she is shaped like a twig (yet eats like a trucker).

How does she do that anyway?

Speaking of Frustrating: How about beach bugs and sand in your butt, and bad take out, and that one yogi who’s an all high & mighty sorta fake zen type of gal that picks fights with others yet smiles to your face?  How about the fact that our education system is broken?… Though I should mention there is a man in Harlem who is actually trying to do something about it in spite of the unions…mostly women… Frustrations from mothers everywhere that had no idea that they had a birth choice, not to mention the sisters who are perfectly happy being “cool aunt so and so” and are sick and tired of being made to feel like they are less of a woman if they choose not to push one of those little suckers out of her yoga uterus…

Then there are the elections that are still months away and yet for some reason we have to hear from them (the wanna bzz) on the news singing their salvation songs in between occasions when they are speaking down to us poor folk who couldn’t possibly make a decision for ourselves (never mind we run companies and households thank you very much)….and when was the last time any of you had the opportunity and energy to shave your legs and go out on the town with the girls in hopes of being flirted with by somebody who actually has a college education or a job they are passionate about; never mind the prospect of a naughty jaunt to the ladies room for a quickie between courses…It’s been so long for some of us that we’d even take a same sex fling under the right conditions thanks to Katy Perry.

Which brings me to the biggest frustration I hear every single day… something about passion, and touching, and some stretching assistance that does not include a yoga mat or the need for a ponytail; which is bad from what I understand and really only a gateway drug to other disastrous hair options like feathers and glitter and the double pony….

I guess what I have to say is that there seems to be a lot of negativity that could be solved with a little heavy breathing (if not ujjayi) but then we have to maybe worry about all those pesky party prizes that we really don’t want to bring home from a weekend at the coast, or the bar, or from the random guy that lives on the fifth floor for that fact… even though his blue jeans fit oh so perfectly and he is only mildly low on self esteem (which most of us could handle under the barren circumstances of the past few months).

Not that I have a solution mind you, but I would love the brothers out there to hear it from at least one of us publicly that though we love to do a hundred vinyasas three times a week we would also, if not more so, love to not be in charge and to be pleasantly surprised by something other than bad breath or a tone that is condescending…or speaking in general because words are not really necessary for what we want….let me break it down boys….we are horny.  We do yoga all the time and we want to dance like rocks stars with moves like jagger and knock our socks off! So, if you can help with that then that would be great…

If not, got any friends cause we are feeling somewhat desperate.

Clearly.

I hear it many times a week.  Since you boys have been all doom and gloom over the end of the world and since you don’t seem to have anybody new to drop your fancy explosives on let me take a moment to remind you that you’ve forgotten to tend to your gardens and we are wilting over here in hot yoga…can’t a girl get an O without the OM?!!

That’s another thing I should address that as a yoga teacher I am baffled and honored and highly entertained by the stories you each share with me and so let me take this opportunity to wave my “you are awesome” banner high and praise you for your bravery, your spunk, and your very clear need to make out more.

I heard you.  Hopefully some of the men will hear this and take heed.  ( I almost wrote head…also funny and morbidly appropriate)  Good Luck With That!

Looking forward to connecting on Twitter @shelleyadelle to hear how it goes ;0)

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it… When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out- ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new perspective. This is your awakening.

You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something, or someone, to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of “happily ever after ” must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

So you begin making your way through the “reality of today” rather than holding out for the “promise of tomorrow.” You realize that much of who you are, and the way you navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you’ve received over the course of a lifetime. And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about:

• ­ how you should look and how much you should weigh
• ­ what you should wear and where you should shop
• ­ where you should live or what type of car you should drive
• ­ who you should sleep with and how you should behave
• ­ who you should marry and why you should stay
• ­ the importance of having children or what you owe your family

Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really believe in. And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.

You accept the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are… and that’s OK… they are entitled to their own views and opinions. And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a “perfect 10″ Or a perfect human being for that matter.    So you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare. And you take a long look at yourself in the mirror and you make a promise to give yourself the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others. Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.

And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by. Then you discover that it is truly in giving that we receive and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving. And you recognize the importance of “creating” & “contributing” rather than “obtaining ” & “accumulating.”

And you give thanks for the simple things you’ve been blessed with; things that millions of people upon the face of the earth can only dream about a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed and the freedom to pursue your own dreams.

And then you begin to love and to care for yourself. You stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors including participating in dysfunctional relationships. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and exercising. And because you’ve learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear, you give yourself permission to rest. And just as food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for the spirit and so you make it a point to create time for play.

Then you learn about love and relationships, how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. And you allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects you to glorify you with his touch. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally and that not everyone will always come through and interestingly enough, it’s not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you or weren’t done for you. And you learn to keep your Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns; anger, jealousy and resentment.

You learn how to say I was wrong and to forgive people for their own human frailties. You learn to build bridges instead of walls and about the healing power of love as it is expressed through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture. And, at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify you. You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things. And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then you learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that you don’t know all the answers, it’s not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.

Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you would want them to be, and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be, more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships and that that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to. So you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given. And suddenly you realize that it’s wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities, or meet “your ” standards and expectations. You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love. So you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that “alone” does not mean “lonely” and you begin to discover the joy of spending time “with yourself” and “on yourself.” Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know. Self Love. And so, it comes to pass that through understanding your heart heals; and now all new things are possible.

Moving along, you begin to avoid Toxic people and conversations. And you stop wasting time and energy rehashing your situation with family and friends. You learn that talk doesn’t change things and that unrequited wishes can only serve to keep you trapped in the past. So, you stop lamenting over what could or should have been and you make a decision to leave the past behind. Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change. You take a personal inventory of all your strengths and weaknesses and the areas you need to improve in order to move ahead. You set your goals and map out a plan of action to see things through.

You learn that life isn’t always fair and you don’t always get what you think you deserve and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment. You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of God… but merely a random act of fate.

And you stop looking for guarantees because you’ve learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you’ll learn to deal with it. And you learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time FEAR itself. So you learn to step right into and through your fears because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom.

Then, YOU LEARN ABOUT MONEY… the personal power and independence it brings and the options it creates. And you recognize the necessity to create your own personal wealth. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire. Then a sense of power is born of self-reliance. And you live with honor and integrity because you know that these principles are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build your life. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful opportunity and exciting possibility. Then you hang a wind chime outside your window to remind yourself what beauty there is inSimplicity.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you FAKE a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can

A word about the Power of Prayer: In some of my darkest, most painful and frightening hours, I have prayed not for the answers to my prayers or for material things but for my “God” to help me find the strength, confidence and courage to persevere; to face each day and to do what I must do.

Remember this: ”You are an expression of the almighty. The spirit of God resides within you and moves through you. Open your heart, speak to that spirit and it will heal and empower you.” My “God” has never failed me.

The ebb and flow of life is not always comfortable, especially with the sensitivities that a yoga practice instills in its’ practitioners.  It seems the more time I spend on the mat the more there is to excavate and digest.

Over the last month I have faced great uncertainty in many areas of my life.  Who hasn’t? The roads have been bumpy with a few unexpected turns and near collisions and through it all I had to work very hard at practicing what I teach: breath into the discomfort.

There is a book with the same title as this post written by Pema Chodron that I have not actually had the fortune of reading but I’ve seen it many times on the shelves of those near and dear to me that I turn to in times of strife.  There must be something to its message.

New students often inquire about the ability to live a full life with the principles of Yoga, or Buddhism, or Christianity in mind.  Is it possible to live by the golden rule and practice peaceful abiding in this modern age?  Is it possible to observe all the sensations of this life without going mad from overstimulation?  Can one actually run a business while paying it forward?  Does any of it even matter?

These are not only great questions but important ones.

As teachers we work hard at instilling confidence in our students when it comes to breathing and exploring new postures.  With the understanding of all the limbs of yoga a good teacher also works at clearing a pathway to the inner discoveries that can be truly transformational for a student… our challenge as both teachers and students is to remember that the road is not always clear, the answers are not always pleasant, the conversations with others can sometimes be quite scary, but that in the moment to moment a fulfilling life is not only possible but also extremely likely when we undertake it while cultivating truth removed from illusions.

One of the greatest illusions is that your teacher has all the answers.  The other is that once on a spiritual path all the rest of life becomes roses and unicorns.

I say these things in hopes to lead to a very distinct point of view.  As I have taught over the years, meditated, taken classes across the country, having read all the books I could get my hands on the only thing that is clear to me is that this life is not only precious, but unpredictable.  The more comfortable we can get with this the better.

If I can forgive myself of knowing all the answers, of perfecting that handstand in an arbitrary timeframe, if I can approach all my relationships honestly and continue to expose my vulnerabilities and build trust, if I can have a little compassion for those that seek to erect walls and reach out to those in pain, if we could just breath a little deeper and surrender the notion that we have to have it all figured out…

If we can simply be present in our spectacularly complicated lives with a little faith that it will all work out, that we are strong enough and worthy enough of a well lived existence, if we can let go of those silly expectations and judgements of what life is supposed to be or what box everything is “supposed” to fit in, if we can just simply show up to the uncertainty of this life and breathe all the way down into our pinky toe if we have to to make it through then I think we are all gonna be just fine.  Better than fine in fact.

For me, today at least, that is the definition of faith: being comfortable with the uncertainty.

We get great feedback from the unfolding of this life if we are willing to listen.  As the road gets scary and all I want is a hug, as the mirror reveals things that are extraordinary and also things I very much want to change, as I unravel and cry and laugh and stand bereft there is still and always more to come.  We can fight against it, run away from it, ignore, and try to barter with it and yet this life will continue to run its course.  The sun always rises.  So does the moon.

May you find joy and peace and serenity in the madness.  Might you find comfort and my sweet sweet friends may you always remember that Love Wins!

This is our life.  Our one and only.  Who do you choose to be?!

-S

Sweet Dear Hanuman with his thunderbolt body epitomizes the Bhakti Yoga tradition of Love and Devotion, can hinder the negative effects of Saturn, and is the most beloved friend of Sita and Rama.

In my life this mischievous monkey reminds me to be bright and bold and to never forget my own Divine powers and to continue the journey past all demons and doubts (which these days I have been plagued with)

Not just a coincidence!  

Sitting at a friends house last week I experienced the tremors of a Thunderbolt that hit square off the coast and sent its shockwaves through the very core of my body.  It shook me to my bones.  I have never felt my body in such a primal way and the effects of this throttling left me feeling fragile and keenly aware that everything had changed.  To me this instant connection with Mother Nature was insight into and an immediate answer to the question I had just posed; is God in fact Creation itself embodied in the guise of the Female?  Was God Kali, Maha Deva, Lilith, and Shakti?  Having asked the question and then instantly feeling the earth shake underfoot and deep into my heart the answer was a resounding, YES!

Feeling calm and centered and at total attention I went home.

Nothing would ever be the same. 

Since that moment of clarity I spent this past week in meditation battling doubts from all fronts.  It was as if the darker aspects of myself and the Universe were hell bent on tearing me apart and away from a declarative statement such as God is found in the regenerative and creative aspects of Mother Nature and embodied in the form of Woman…

We can have babies after all and far from being revered as Goddesses like days past we are subjected to taboos and laws in regards to sexuality, fertility, and quiet often still treated as second class citizens.  The un-elightened continue to view women as prizes to be won and then tamed.  Man looks at a woman to appraise her first before he decides to listen to her.  Look at how they attack women in western politics (a vile theatrical event)

Silly me.  What did I expect?

Though I call all my students and friends Goddesses I was still parading around ignoring my own body, my own power, and up until this last week I was still in an internal struggle over my own relationship with Mother Earth & my ability to create life.  Realizing you are a powerful creature who can propagate life is a big pill to swallow (especially to the type A and perfectionist among us) and it took the power of Hanuman to shake me free from self imposed and limiting views of my life and one of its purposes.

No dad, I’m not preggers…fear not.  BUT, I bet I will be someday and that child will grow up to be a force to be reckoned with now that Shelley’s got her groove.  It does not surprise me in the least that all the devils children were after me in order to sway me from this recognition and to frighten me right out of the good work I am doing both personally and professionally.  Every time I come to a big shift it seems that there is always some squatting terror just around the corner ready to pounce in hopes to destroy my resolve.

How could I have forgotten the story of The Earth Touching Buddha?  When Mara (the devil/tempter) was trying to sway the Buddha from his mission to reach Samadhi he threw his three daughters in his face as a distraction.  Once that failed Mara tried to reason with Buddha by saying that fear and rewards were keeping peace on earth and offered Buddha a place by his side, to conspire against man.  Another failure.  Mara’s final attempt was to shame Buddha by telling him that all his meditations were for nothing because even if he reached Bliss there were no witnesses.  At this the Buddha set his hand to the earth and the Divine Mother rose up and said that she would be his witness…it was in that moment that the Buddha was Enlightened.

As we realize that Mother Earth is our witness and that her powers of creation and mysteries are beyond the reach of the mundane and the cunning ways of the dark forces we too reach our own Nirvana.

I say it again, get behind me Satan!  All my illusions have been vanquished and the sin of self doubt has again been healed.  This yogi is on a mission and you are not invited you cunning fake.  I declare Peace!  I declare Female power!!

The only serpent I glorify and trust is that smooth Kundalini Rising.  The symbol of the rising snake that ignites the chakras and binds the power of male and female in us all.  In honoring the tradition of both compassion and truth we elevate ourselves to true wisdom.  Of course God is in Mother Nature.  God is in each of us and we are a breed of crazy animals cavorting and running around like lovesick children.  We must be the legions of Hanuman on earth.

Rock On Hanuman!!

Many many years ago on a stage in the Hill Country of Texas there was a small town girl who was being roasted by her peers and friends in order to raise enough money to send her off to conservatory.  That night, I sat in a chair in a pretty ruffled dress and was for the first time, to my face at least, referred to as The Fool.  A sassy redheaded director of mine told the audience that like the Fool in the Tarot I was wide eyed and about to take a leap off a cliff.  Little did I know then that she was not only giving me a warning, she was giving me a compliment.

Jonathan Fields, my sweet mentor and friend, often says, “ready, fire, aim!”  It’s a great expression of his passion and protocol for changing the world and a way to symbolize part of his process to others.  It’s taking the road less traveled.  To me he is a fool.  A brilliant one.

Unconventional and sometimes uninvestigated we run amok and do things that others insist are wrong, silly, or nuts.  I ask you, why look before you leap?  Why stick to the plan?  Why do things the way everybody else does them?!

It’s not always easy being an Outlier, a Career Renegade, or master of The Universe.  It is incredibly rewarding though to sit down at the end of a day and look back on some of the wilder decisions I have made.  I can see how those rash  and sometimes brave decisions have conspired to position me in this very exquisite moment in time.  I can’t help but see shades of wonderment and beauty.  It is the artwork of my life!

In the midst of such adventures there is the moment right before we dive in head first.  It’s the transition from crow to chaturanga or the instant before you hop up into headstand.  There is that short inhale and a pause the second before we decide one way or the other to go all in.  In the span of a heartbeat we alter the course of our personal and collective histories for once you leap there is no going back.

I would never take back moving to New York or for choosing to hang out with the funny girl who loves fried chicken and waffles.  I would again go to that small conservatory and meet my best friends.  I would bartend, sell soap, and make my way into that yoga studio over in Hell’s Kitchen.  I would never erase learning to teach, working for those famous people, starting a blog, or agreeing to co-host a radio show.  I certainly would never take back a second of this dream I am living on the beach with a tribe that is fearless and hand in hand with an amazing man who makes me want to shave my legs. ;0)

It’s exhilarating, challenging, scary, passionate, awesome, exciting, nerve racking, humbling, and a million other words all at once.  Some days I feel like a badass and others like the pokey little puppy because consequences are sometimes incredibly difficult.  One thing is for certain…every time I take that leap of faith I am unequivocally caught.  At times it is by the hearts of others and like a cat there are times I fall on my own two feet.  Every time is unique and they all add up to a pretty scrumptious experience I call My Uninhibited Life.

There are little jumps and then there are the massive falls.  Sometimes there are bruises on the knees & on our hearts but all in all I would encourage you to take every single one.  I’m am a fool!!  In love and in life I rush off the cliff with little regard to the cautions of others and with scarce more in my pocket than a mantra and a prayer.  I don’t pity the fool, I admire her.

Ready, Fire, see ya at the bottom!….

That’s right folks, Surrender Sucks.

That’s why I eat my face off.  I get tired, I eat; I get upset or riddled with fear, I eat; I freak out like a girl over some minor detail in my relationship I’m just sure means that we are doomed to failure, I eat.  To celebrate, because of boredom, stress, or anxiety I eat eat eat.

Anyone else?

I sat across from my friend day before yesterday and declared that I have an eating disorder.  She looked at me shocked, talked me out of the notion and then tried to switch gears into something more positive and grounded (one of the many reasons I adore her)  I left feeling not all that bad, especially when comparing myself to some stricken “others.”  So I hoped on my bike riding across town on my merry way to a date with a plate of fried potato product.  I deserve it after all.

I felt better, for a moment.  After that I was bloated and ashamed and not so interested in getting naked with that awesome boyfriend of mine (and yes we are doing more than fine).

To say out loud or in print for that matter that I believe I have an eating disorder is pretty bold I know.  It’s not something I say in jest nor do I take its implication lightly.  I think it needs to be said that I also believe that many of us (men too) are suffering from some sort of food distortion or obsession.  If we eat because of shame, regret, gilt, or any other reason other than physical hunger then I think there is something unbalanced that deserves some investigation.

How many of you are on a diet?  How many control what they are eating in the name of activism, health, or religious preference?  How many people do you know who are counting calories, portions, or the effects of supplements?  How many of us are in the middle of a juice fast or a cleanse?  How many raw food only, warm cooked food only, no carbs, single cheat day, these are the rules so follow them or else crazy people are out there?  I am pretty sure that you know many persons in each category and in addition you’ve got a perfectly good reason for arranging your particular eating habits into a neat little box labeled “perfectly sane and rational.’

What would happen if we all just surrendered our well thought out eating habits?  The real question of the day is what would happen if I did?  That’s the exact question that led me to tears at the lunch table today.

Today is the day!

It’s been a pretty mind-blowing year and for those of you who have been reading me for some time know that though fraught with major change, I have landed on my feet feeling like a grateful badass.  It’s the sound of the collective cheering at our good fortunes that led me back to the path of the internal world.  I’ve been feeling safe again you see..

Finally feeling some stability I have endeavored to read more in the past two months and do some manicuring of the internal lawns.  I have been face to face with obsessive behaviors and issues that I thought I’d conquered years ago and therefore I’ve been secretly snacking and participating in some late night shoveling in order to bury all those pesky feelings that have bubbled up.

What was I thinking anyway?  It’s like I totally forgot that self exploration leads to excavation and I failed to prepare myself with an accountability partner or a few girlfriends I could verbally barf on when the need arose.  I have been journaling for sure but since I have decided I can do it on my own <because I am an island damn it> I ended up in a pool of tears in my cole slaw at the Lobster Shanty on the phone with a friend.

I spend so much time caring for others and being a sounding board (which I love and feel very useful and blessed) and yet I forgot that I too need help, I too need a shoulder, I too am a fragile and beautiful creature on a path to self fulfillment.

I realize now, once again, that self fulfillment is not at the bottom of the bread basket.  I remember that I do not have to clean my plate like my parents said and that I don’t have to eat what others have deemed important, healthy, or nutritious.  I don’t need to sit at the tea shop to feel loved and I certainly don’t need or want to spend all my money surrounding myself with people or stuffing myself with anything so that I won’t feel lonely.  All I have to do is be gentle and breath.  All I have to do is observe the discomfort, when that urge to run to warm bread and cheese begins to ring in my head, I can take a moment in stillness and get curious as to why.

It doesn’t matter that I own a studio, or that I am a teacher or a widely read blogger.  It doesn’t matter that I’m supposed to be the one to help or the one who has the answers.  Who made up those dumb rules anyway?  I’m not a guru, I’m not a prophet, I’m just a girl who grew up lonely and needs to be seen and touched and feel like the world is real again.

It does not matter what other people think.  What matters is that I get lonely and I have an urge to fill that hole with something.

Bahya Kumbhaka…the bottom of the breath and the hold after, I feel anxious and expectant.  In a state of deep detachment I am scared and I feel alone.  What is in that absence of breath?  Am I about to die?!  Is god there?  I’m not so sure but I’m desperate to find out.  Desperate to change.  I have hit my threshold for pain and I give up.  It sucks, this feeling of defeat.  Perhaps I am not defeated but that I am giving up a fight that no longer serves me…It’s scary.

Today I roll over into child’s pose and I surrender!  Thank God for Yoga.

I eat all organics, home school my children, wear TOMS shoes, participate in community activism, and I am faithful to my partner (who happens to be the same sex as me) and I practice yoga three times a week or more with someone who is a true guru;  because of this I am better than you.

I vote in every election, reserve the right to enjoy the second amendment, I go to church on Sundays and tithe, I listen to my elders; because of this I am better than you.

My team has won the Superbowl nine times, I am a volunteer firefighter, served my country in three wars, and I pay my taxes without complaint; because of this I am better than you.

With an Ivy League education, family ties to all that matter in politics and business, a home in three of the best climates imaginable, and with time to play golf on Wednesdays with the girls; I am better than you.

I own a Mac, I drink Coke, I live in a big city, I married my high school sweetheart, I am my own boss and the master of the universe and I participate at TED each year;  I am better than you.

Because of the color of my skin, where I was born, where I work, and my sex…. I am better than you.

Don’t You See?!

No longer a biological necessity for survival from real dangers we have transformed a once useful impulse to quickly quantify the “other” into a culturally significant and debilitating system of segregation and demoralization.  We have busied our brains with man made puzzles and problems that exist in fantasy.  We have invented reasons to abhor our neighbors.  We have also invented weapons to combat them. 

When we are focused on who has more, who has what, who saw who with whom, then we distract ourselves from more pressing issues of hunger and safety & the difficult questions of religion and morality take a back seat to jingoism.  

With a separatist attitude we forget there is great pain.  Our humanity becomes an afterthought. We lose perspective. 

If we are arguing about which party rules the roost and we isolate ourselves into camps then we forget that sometimes we don’t in fact know it all and that sometimes our best ideas come out of compromise.  Further still it is those who think radically different than we do who sometimes have that stroke of stunning insight that becomes a useful advancement for all.

There are many who lack the courage of their convictions and even more who have none.  It requires humility and vulnerability to listen to those who irk us, who differ from us, who downright make our skin crawl… and yet the first step of understanding is a willingness to engage.  It requires careful attention and at times quiet reflection on what inflames our emotions to truly grasp what it is that is important to us and what it is about “others” that so enrages us.

Don’t be mistaken though, because the fact that I take the time to care about such things, I am better than you. 

We fight, we cuss, we throw punches, we bully online, we read trashy magazines and our local infotainment papers to get in on all the latest gossip.  We are nationalistic, racist, holier than thou, our churches preach fire and brimstone, and our movies sell irresponsibility and a full time party.  We pretend to care about hot button issues and worse still we are often indifferent.  We are animals who are easily spooked, often overwhelmed, manipulated by power, and exhausted by the smallest measure of accountability.

Yet in spite of the great darkness that exists on this planet and in our hearts we find cause to celebrate because part of that same heart continues to remember that negativity is only one of our many attributes.

So where is all the hope?  Where is the love?

It is in our art, our music, and in many of our teachers.  It is in our children, sometimes in history, and in many of the brave who stand up speak out and try and make a change.  It happens in small places and in tiny towns of no national import.  It is going on in kitchens across the country and in communities around the world.  It happens every time we come to our mat and remember to breathe.

It takes self inquiry and discussion to foster understanding.  Though I’d never argue that if we simply understood each other there would be no more war or fighting between the haves and have nots.  I would in fact bet though that with a little more understanding we might just earn some perspective.  Perhaps then we’d remember that we get a 90 year or so shot at this life and that there are more important things that we’d might rather be attending to.

I believe we are all just in search of someone who will bring us endless hope.

It is my hope that as we grow older we will refuse to be sold the lie that there is anyone who is beneath us… and that we will remember we are in many ways the same.  Although, that would take a lot of energy come to think of it.  Perhaps we’re better off just bombing the hell out of them because after all…we are better than everyone.

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