There is a lot of discussion in my head and among my support network these days about two proposals: First, is that there is room for it all and second, that we must make adjustments as necessary.
The inroad into theses concepts requires us to observe with a keen curiosity. We start by taking a look at how our body feels, what’s going on with the breath, what situation/environments do we find ourselves in, and that great solidifier, our emotional landscape… how do you feel?
In classes I say, “Observe the sensations of the body and make adjustments as necessary.”
The whole idea here is that I will learn all the lessons I need in life by simply participating in earnest when I arrive at my mat. Do I need to lengthen, bind, twist, or back out of a posture? How might I manipulate the breath in order to find ease? Where might I explore the edges? These translate into real life situations at every turn.
- Should I spend more time with these friends or on my own playing? (lengthen)
- Ought I hold my tongue and listen? (bind)
- Might I be flexible with my partner? (twist)
- Could I be best served by removing myself completely or setting positive boundaries?
Our most valuable lessons are learned when we apply the same discerning attitude that we have in our yoga practice to the every day happenings of our waking lives. There is a certain integrity and a healthy dose of clarity & communication that is required in order for this to be a success. We must get really honest about what is going on in our experience, and then adjust if, or when, it behooves us to.
A great example of this is my recent shift from the bright lights of Manhattan to the calm sounds of beachside Vero. People ask me all the time, and often with unveiled wonderment and a touch of derisiveness, “Why Vero?”
Seriously?
Have you looked around today? The weather is amazing, the beach is spectacular, and I am comfortable and loved in my beautiful home. I have the privilege to work with an amazing set of yogis who want to play on a regular basis, a few close friends that are knitting themselves into the fabric of my life, I can ride my bike almost everywhere and without being taken out by a yellow cab, and I can sleep through the night without hearing the incessant sounds twelve million people outside my bedroom window.
To be honest, I believe that when people are asking me “why Vero” (with that sound in their voice that implies I’m crazy) they are less interested in what brought me to this awe inspiring town and more interested in why the hell I left what they quickly describe in one way or the other as the “better” choice of NYC. Um, excuse me, where did the contempt for where you live come from?
To be fair, I understand not being jazzed about the place that you live in. In fact, that is exactly why I left the city to begin with. So in order to clarify here is an abbreviated answer to the question of “why.”
After a little under ten years I found myself wanting different things. My experiences in the big apple are ones that you couldn’t pay me a billion dollars to trade in. I discovered a large part of who I am as a woman and found out that I am stronger and have more grit than I had ever given myself credit for. I’d found myself in rooms that I thought had closed doors, got an education in areas that I didn’t even know existed in my youth, and with the help of a few outstanding mentors and friends I cultivated a greater sense of self, one that is balanced with an awareness due in large part to my yoga practice. As wonderful as New York is and was, I just wanted something different. Simply put, I saw that what I wanted to explore next did not exist in the environment in which I found myself and it was nobody else’s responsibility to make a change. So I did.
Viva la Vero!!
I’m not suggesting that any discomfort is indicative of the need to make major changes. What I am proposing is that it is important and necessary to contemplate and be inquisitive and to get real about what is happening in your lives and relationships. Who are you? Where are you? Are you happy? If not, get a grip and try something else. Knock it off with the disillusionment already. My granny says, “shit or get up off the pot!” A classier way to say it (though I’ve never been accused of being classy) is, “Just do it!”
What about the first point you say?
Outside of a few basic agreements, we must approach life without judgment and expectation. It is imperative that we relax ourselves and make room for it all. As I type this, my tea guru Maria asks me if I mean this physically or metaphorically. Both.
If we continue to put ourselves, our families, partners, art, coworkers, god, friends, and strangers into boxes then we are strangling the fundamental gift that individuality offers. If we shame others for living out loud or trying new things then we are sending the message that it’s silly to try or that they are unworthy of such self-expression. It is almost worse when we afford ourselves this same level of contempt. You have the right to exist and explore. So do I.
Relationships come in all shapes and sizes. We are quick to define what others are engaged in so that we can be confident in how we respond to them. If they are friends we treat them one way, if they are lovers or are married we treat them completely different. Why is that? Is it possible to approach each person as an individual and support their decisions to explore their lives no matter what shape and what twists and turns they take?
I imagine the reason we are so hard headed when it comes to labeling is because it takes far less energy than to engage in the ever-changing reality of what actually is. The biggest bummer here is that our attitudes of and reactions towards others is often based on assumptions. There are a disconcerting number of realities and possibilities and we most often are way off the mark in our quick judgments. Our rigidity cuts us off from embracing the beauty of life and love. But I digress…
There is room for it all.
There is room to try new clothes, a new job, to express ourselves through art, dance, singing, surfing, or reading in the corner. There is room for you to be committed to your partner and yet to have substantial friendships with others. I can love my family and support them in their quest to live in the sticks and yet decide that for me a life in the bright lights of Paris is more appealing. There must be room for that. We need friends, companions, people who will listen to us bitch, we need a tribe, our families, we need strong support in our work endeavors, and we must have people who will sponsor us in our quest for artistic expression. If we expect that all of these roles can or should be taken on by the same person then we are setting ourselves up for great heartbreak and disappointments.
It is important to take into account that we have no idea how our lives will play out or if we will even feel the same tomorrow about anything (most likely not). If we have arranged our lives in a manner that requires nothing to bend or change and we show an unwillingness to do so ourselves then we will indeed be living in hell on earth.
Gandhi said, “Be the change you wish to see.”
I dare you to try. Embody your beliefs, do to others as you wish them to do to you, take responsibility for your actions and happiness, support others with love as they endeavor to soar, make adjustments as necessary, and cut yourself some slack. Nobody can dictate the course of your life and we should be humble enough and show great respect by not trying to control others. I mean really! I have enough to think about… like what am I going to wear for my dinner date tonight.
ps: I love you ;0)







Who is THAT?